Saturday, October 30, 2010

Don't You Ever Grow Up

This morning has been filled with moments of nostalgia and reflection. I just finished my first 40 hour work week of nursing orientation at my first ever nursing job. As I lay on the couch this morning in my pj's at noon, and catching up on everyone's life on facebook, twitter and the blogging world, I thought about life. My husband has been in class all morning.

I thought about Halloween's past. I thought about th
e approaching holidays. I thought about cold weather and mostly, I thought about home. This is the longest I have ever gone without seeing my parents. I have done extremely well with not being too homesick. I talk to my mom and dad and my mamaw almost every day (sometimes 2-3 times). Some people say "you have to grow up sometime and why do you call your parents and grandma everyday"? My family is so important to me. My mom is one of my very best friends. She is my advisor, my go to, and pretty much a reflection of who I am today. My mamaw is my mentor and taught me what I know about life and baking and cooking and compassion. My dad is my daddy. He taught me to live life freely and to work hard. My dad never opened a pay check. He always brought it home and handed it to my mom who opened it. He worked 35 years in the cold, 800 feet underground in the coal mines.
Needless to say, I admire my parents.

Today is my mom and her mom (my grandma's) birthday!


Aren't they lovely? Such beautiful women!

So I got my schedule for work this week and turns out I will not be home for Thanksgiving (and probably not Christmas) th
is year. I am very traditional. Some of my fondest memories are of the holidays. I love the chaos of our loud (mostly women) family. I love my mom and grandma's Christmas decorations. I love the food of my mamaw and mom and matt's nana. I love the warm and fuzzy feeling that surrounds the reason for the season (Jesus Christ). I love the family time. I love waking up on Christmas morning to get a big ole cup of coffee with my dad and the excitement I still feel in that moment. I love the memories of my brother and I putting ALL the presents under the tree Christmas Eve night. There is so much I love about the holidays.


I more than likely will not be doing these things thi
s year. All I ever wanted was to be grown up, married, and living in a big city (which I never thought would happen). I wished my life away some days. I day dreamed of life married and working as a nurse. Here I am.

I was downloading Taylor Swift's new album this m
orning. (I have no shame. Don't judge me). There is a song on her album that as I was listening to I was looking through my wedding photos. I started to get teary eyed. I thought about growing up and all the things we dream life will be. I thought about all the ways we imagine life to be. Every word of this song was true to me. It was perfect for the nostalgic morning I was having.


Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that (my niece is in the background. This picture is one of my favorites. I think of it how I used to always dream of my wedding day when I was little. and I'm in my wedding dress of my dreams looking at myself now.) love it. This part of the song made me think about being little. My nieces age. To be so free and care free.

Chorus
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up
Never grow up(me when I was little.)

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14, there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your pj's getting ready for school
(my oldest niece. Isn't she beautiful?! She is 14 years old and life is never easy when you're 14.)
(I remember being 14 years old. I remember the girl "friends" I had back then and the heart break I felt when I became a Christian and my friends were not always accepting of that. I remember being so worried about what people thought of me and I still struggle with caring too much about that. I remember how I felt when my first boyfriend broke up with me. I remember my parents dropping me off places and being embarrassed. I remember wanting to grow up.)


Chorus

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
No one's ever burned you
Nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to
Please try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
I could still be little
Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
Won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even though you want to
Please try to never grow up
Oh
Don't you ever grow up
Oh
Never grow up
Just never grow up




Now, Don't get me wrong. I LOVE life right now. (How could you not with a husband that looks like that and is your very best friend?!?!)

I have just been nostalgic this morning. Thinking about life and loving where I am now and thinking about how life changes and it's not always easy or even what you imagined but life is great and i hope that I continue to live my life for the moment and cherish each and every day I am blessed with. I have a great family. I am starting a new life with my wonderful husband and I am all grown up.

Life is great, but sometimes it's hard to handle change. :-)


3 comments:

Anonymous said...

As your MOM sits here crying, I want you to know how proud we are of you and how happy we are for you at the same time. You are "where" you should be honey. With the man you love, in a place you love, and starting a job you will love. All those memories are wonderful -- but they are memories. NOW it is time for you and MATT to make memories. Holidays will come and go but life with your husband will continue forever. ENJOY each other, LOVE each other, and WE will be together at holidays...Maybe just NOT on that day. It is a great blog. Thanks honey. MOM

katy said...

i love taylor swift! i would never judge. :) and life is hard sometimes, i live away from my family too and i hate it. it gets easier!

Anonymous said...

TIME TO UPDATE MY DEAR...........